The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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