I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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