And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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