Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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