You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
