I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
