just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
