I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
