Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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