I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
