Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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