I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
