I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
