If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
