No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
