you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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