Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
