Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
