Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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