As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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