Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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