they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
