I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize