I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
