am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
