ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
