Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
