I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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