I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
