im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
