the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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