Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
