Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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