his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
