the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize