Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
