I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
