3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
