I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
