I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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