If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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