theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
