I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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