Umm I'm too high to move.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
