You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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