Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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