I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
