Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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