is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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