I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And then he peed in my hair
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