Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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