I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
