If i come over, it means nothing
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize