I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
home. puking in laundry basket.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
