you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
