so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
