Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You ruined the universe
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
