direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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