wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
