I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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