honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
