so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
