I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
