Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
