My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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