It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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