I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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