my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I did not marry a roomba.
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