wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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