Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
