My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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