you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
