nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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