I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
