I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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