since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
