i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
