I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
